Thursday, November 17, 2011

I've decided

in all that has been going on as of late, and there has been a lot, that my life will now be divided into two time slots. Before dad got sick and after... well, after. there are many other things going on at the moment, like we're trying build a story on our house, and that in and of its self has been trying for us, and then dad became ill. No, not ill, but sick. because, when you're ill, you will get better. But he is sick. good and sick. He has gone through a lot since I blogged last. Some days good, some days not so good. They put tubes in his back to drain his kidneys, since they were not doing good with the chemo. He has had 5 blood transfusions in 4 weeks. In my opinion that is a lot, but apparently in the cancer world, depending on the cocktail you get it is rather normal.
I went to see him on Sunday this past week, because once again, he was in the hospital. He had not one, but 4 blood clots. That earned him a stay from Wed to Sunday. I call mom everyday for an update, and it breaks my heart to hear her so sad. Her voice is just flat, and I know this is tough on her. To make matters heavier on her heart, she had to have her dog put down 2 weeks ago, so there was nothing to greet her when she came home from the hosp., but an empty house. She fixed that by adopting 3 kitties from a shelter. (see, THAT'S where I get the crazy cat lady gene from) (Oh, and FYI, the cat show in Dec 3 and 4) it is SUPER cool. The kitties are helping both of them I think.
On Sunday I went to the hosp to see him, and we were told that he was going to be able to go home. It was nice to be able to be home right after he got there, help him in the house and to his chair. As soon as hit butt hit the chair, the one cat jumped into his lap. It is something to keep them warm at night and something warm and fuzzy under their hands.
The general practitioner dr. ordered Hospice to come in. :( up where they live, hospice is ordered when the end is near, they do not have enough people for para care. They came to see him the other day along with home health, and he sent them away. He told them he didn't need them yet. The GP also told him (before his hosp stay) that he thinks dad has less than 6 months with us. My hope beyond all hope is that he is wrong. However my over analytical, reality stricken brain knows better. It keeps telling my heart the what's what, and what will be. I knwo in my head the end result, but I keep hoping.
the chemo Dr has pushed off chemo. (he was supposed to get it on the 15th) but since the blood clots, it was pushed off. He saw that Dr on Wed and we thought perhaps they would do it then, but alas, they did not. he goes back next week (wed) to see the chemo Dr again, and maybe then they will tell them whether or not they will do chemo again, or if they are going to stop it. He has had only two rounds, and many bumps along the way.
My wish for him, is that he not be in any pain. He has gone from telling me he's fine when I call to telling me he feels crappy, or he's in pain, or something else. I am glad that he no longer feels he has to hide it, I just don't want him to suffer. at all, for any reason, because I know he woudl not let that happen to any of us.
your continued thoughts and prayers are appreciated!


Belle said...

I am praying for him and your family right now. I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

My darling daughter, I love you so much it hurts. I know what a caregiver you are, you took such good care of me when I was sick, now it is my turn to do the same for your father. He is such a baby, (most men are) and he depends so much on what I have learned and how I fight for him, he doesn't even realize just how much it kills me to see him this way. I pray God is good to him, and does not let him suffer. I just love the good days, like today, they are few and far between. I agree, we will get through this, All of us. I love you for being who you are, and doing what you can when you can.
Love, Mom

Marlene said...

Hugs, Stuffie. xoxox