I.Can't. Breathe.

or so it feels.  The rug has been pulled out from under my feet and I am not sure which way is up any more.  Mom called me today and told me Dad had a Dr. appointment.  his marker numbers went from 425 three weeks ago to 2550.  Last week they were 1770, I thought they read the report wrong. I mean he was doing so well! What the hell??So this means either the tumor is growing or the cancer is spreading or both...  I had to sit once she told me that because truly all the air left my lungs as I struggled to process this information.  I had let my guard down, and started to relax a bit because he was doing great.  he even went and tried his lawn tractor out.  I mean LOOK at him! Look at her, that was taken at Easter, and then a few weeks later we took some more! He's thin, yes, but look at the color in his cheeks! He was doing so good!!!! He has a PET scan on Monday, and that will give us some results on Thursday and they can plan their attack. Pray my friends. Please.  he's a  good man. He deserves to beat this.  He was excited to be doing so well.  I am desperately afraid that he will give up now, that his numbers have gone so high in such a short amount of time.

I love you, Daddy. Please fight. And when you can't fight, lean on me, I'll be strong enough for the both of us.

And Mom, I know you're out there being all stoic.  it's ok to cry.  I've got shoulders enough to hold all your tears.  I can handle it.  Don't try and hold them back, let them come. And when they do, feel my arms around you. You're not alone. You're in my heart, and in my prayers. I love you. Forever. Always. Xoxo.